Posted by Daddy on Feb 26, 2015 at 12:51 pm
You’ve been gone for four years today/tomorrow. I don’t know exactly when you left, but I know what you left, and I know where you went. Today I’d like to leave this place and join you, but that’s a selfish thought. I’m depressed. The small, accumulated failures of life that wax and wane have all ganged up on me today in a compounded tidal wave. Money’s tight, time’s short, the workload seems insurmountable, you’re gone. It all feels like the same stabbing pain and too much to bare some days, and today is one of them.
We watched almost all of the videos we have of you this morning. I still hear them playing in the living room as I hide in my office typing to you and gearing up to get back to tax returns. There is one video that I have never watched – the video of your funeral. Maybe I’ll watch it alone today. Maybe I won’t.
I miss you, and I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, but when I see you again, I’ll probably drop the grudge I hold against myself for that failure.
Ich liebe dich mehr als ich ausdrücken kann, und vermisse dich schrecklich. Ich bin des Todes so schwer überdrüssig. Gott helfe mir, ich verzweifle so viel ab und zu. Komm Herr Jesu.
Mit der ganzen Liebe meines Herzens bin ich dein,